Did you or someone you know drink a little bit too much while partying?
Unfortunately, it is not a given that this somebody will make it to a toilet or trash can. Actually, he or she probably won’t. So what are we left with? Carpets. Hardwood floors. Your furniture. Awesomeness.
Whether it’s you or someone you know doing the vomiting, you’re going to be in a pile of some pretty nasty stuff (figuratively or literally). And from within this pile, there may seem to be no way out. There will always be the stench Where you should be aiming, ideally.
of the Milano sandwich from a few hours earlier or the Spicy Special consumed maybe a minute before. There will always be some weird discoloration, reminding you of the horror that was several tens of seconds of regurgitation.
Do not despair, young revelers. Not all hope is lost. As any senior or person who has ever dealt with a household pet or small child can tell you, vomit is not forever.
1. Don’t be a jerk
If you vomited and are still incapacitated, fine, don’t clean it up. If you vomited and are totally fine (Read:rallying), don’t go around saying, “Ohhh weh looking at vomit makes me vomit. I can’t do it.” Well, looking at your vomit makes me angry, so clean it up yourself. But if it’s the first case, the situation is still dire (regarding the vomit, but also make sure the vomiter is OK first) and needs to be dealt with ASAP. Be the first responder and don’t walk away, trying to pull the same “sympathetic vomiting” crap. It’s just code for lazy and selfish. We all vomit sometimes—don’t pretend that you’re above it.
2. Locate the scene of the crime
Ok. Is it on the carpet, furniture, or hardwood floor? Figure that out.
3. Gather appropriate supplies
If it’s on carpet or furniture, you’ll need a lot. Floors, not so much. So—
-Rubber gloves, rags and towels, and absorbent paper towels (a ton) for all situations
-Carpet or furniture:Carpet or fabric cleaner (try to get one that has a brush on the top for scrubbing), disinfectant like Lysol, powder deodorizer (more effective than sprays).
-Wood:cat litter or baking soda, white vinegar
4. Get crackin’
Carpet or furniture:
-Carefully wipe up the solids. Do not push them further into the carpet or fabric. Then it’s all ruined.
-Toss that shit.
-Use a clean rag and cold water to work out (not in!) the remaining vomit.
-Lay down the carpet/fabric cleaner and do whatever the bottle says.
-Use the disinefectant on the area.
-Spread the powder deodorizer over the area. Leave it for however long the container says (overnight, even) and wipe it up with cold water in the morning.
-Again, wipe up the solids. Don’t worry about pushing them in—it’s solid wood.
-Lay down the cat litter or baking soda and wait for the remaining liquid to turn solid.
-Wipe that up with a paper towel.
-Mix one part vinegar to three parts water in whatever receptable you’ve got.
-Wipe the floor down with this mixture.
-Wipe the floor with a dry cloth and let air dry.
5. Call Housing
After cleaning up the mess, be sure to call the Hartley Hospitality Desk so that they can send someone in to fully clean the area.
6. Move on
Vomit is not fun, but it happens. You’re a big grown up who can handle it quickly and efficiently. Or at least you sort of can now. Anyway, vomit begone and life to be lived.
Parts of this guide were taken from The Lion Archives post, “How to clean up vomit (Yes, really),” written by Samantha Henderson.