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A Message to my Trump-supporting, white boyfriend

This Trump thing has really been bothering me. I do think he will end up doing a decent job as President, but I believe he is a careless human being. You have said that you don’t condone what he’s said, but take greater issue with Hillary’s actions. That is a position that I find to be completely sound and valid. What I cannot understand is how you admire and respect his character.

The first time this tension began to form in my mind was at the table with your mom, and and you were dismissing his remarks about how he’s treated women around him. The things that he’s bragging about doing — whether he’s done them or not — have been done to me time and time again, both by strangers and men that I know. It creates an atmosphere of fear, contempt and deep, unsettling discomfort. I expect to be harassed by a man at least four times every day. It’s been that way since I was 17 years old – being harassed by men twice and three times my age. I do not feel safe from sexual assault at any point in time. You were around to experience the pain, shock, and lingering trauma of a rape with me– I find it even more relevant that this was done at the hands of a man in a position of professional power over me. You were there to see how often I have to deal with these struggles. I am not an exception – this is a widespread problem. You have seen how pedestrian this rhetoric of men being able to get away with “harmless” actions and words is — how it’s an expectation to just accept it. You wouldn’t accept it. Surely, you wouldn’t accept anything that deeply bothers you and brings anxiety that makes you physically ill for the rest of your life. This has only been happening for a few years, and it’s going to keep happening for more than twenty. Because it’s “funny” and “harmless” and the transgressions themselves can elapse a span of mere seconds, it’s okay.

The fact that this is something that has affected my life so heavily and acutely during the time we’ve been together made it feel like you weren’t standing up for me and the millions of women that are expected to just take whatever treatment is dealt to them because to millions of men, this patronizing harassment is something to brag about and applaud. Then it began to dawn on me that perhaps, you don’t even think that this is a problem, let alone that it’s something that should and needs to change. That is a hard thing for me to accept for the rest of my life. It feels fundamentally important for this to be taken seriously. In essence, it was your joy for him that unsettled me. Please do not confuse this with you being joyful that the election resulted in his favor. It’s that you’re happy FOR HIM. That you are not merely complacent about this man being cast as a hero but that you are happy. That this isn’t something you’re accepting as a necessary decision for the country because no one has any idea what he actually wants to do with it. You like him, and that disgusts me. It makes me feel sick to think about it, which is why I’ve been trying to keep my distance the past few days.

I love you very much, but I’m also deeply troubled by this tugging notion that you don’t grasp the magnitude of how certain things, which are completely within the realm of possibility to change, affect my life at the structural and systemic levels. I don’t know that you even know/acknowledge that they exist at the systemic and structural levels. Your comment that if you were raised in a low-income, inner city, high crime community, you would observe the unproductive behavior of your parents and the adults around you and work very hard to have a 4.0 to get a scholarship and go to college just illuminated how blind you could be to what it’s like to actually have those circumstances shape your life and opportunities. “Those people need to be shot,” you said.  They already get shot every day. It’s true that you can’t help someone that doesn’t want to help themselves, but society isn’t effectively and equally equipping people to help themselves. That is just a fact.

However, the rural poor, the urban poor, the profitization of prisons – I don’t know if these things matter to you at all, and it is entirely important to me and what I want to do with my life – purpose and instilling it in others. Do you want to do that or do you only want to blame them and resign yourself to the idea that these people are irredeemable and should live out the next ten, thirty, fifty years of their life wasting as something less than people?

I believe in God’s plan. For this country, for its citizens, for Donald Trump. I believe that the people who society is dismissing and discarding were created by God and are just as important as I am. I believe that every single human was designed with God’s hand and meticulous attention. I believe that anyone can lose their way and make a mess of their lives and the lives of the people around them. If someone is alive after that point of failure or mistake or evildoing, there will still be years of existence that can take the form of more good or more evil. Nevertheless, there will be more experiences – which are opportunities to grow. I believe that we are resilient creatures and that people can come back from anything.

These things have been weighing heavily on my mind because I love you so much and I do want to plan a future with you, but I’m only 20-years-old and my future is just beginning to take shape. The delay in expressing my feelings is due to my own anxiety – fear of bringing these feelings up and having you think that I see you as completely unsupportive of me. None of these issues are individual; they’re issues of idealism. You are the most understanding guy I know and you have strong opinions so I wanted to have mine formed in an organized manner. You take care of me so well and understand me as a human being. I love you so much.

Jacie Goudy is a third year student in Columbia College (2018) double majoring in History and Political Science. She is especially interested in the comparative study of social factors on the political economy between Eastern and Western societies.

 The Lion is the only campus publication with an open-submissions policy. To respond to this op-ed or to submit one of your own, email submissions@columbialion.com
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