Author: LionSubmissions

Photo by James Xue (SEAS ’17)

As part of our elections coverage, The Lion is sharing responses from candidates about the following questions:

  1. What motivated you to run for this position?
  2. If elected, what would your goals be
  3. What is something you want to fix at Columbia? How would you plan to address it
  4. Any additional comments you would like to share with voters?

Below, you can find the candidate(s)’s unfiltered responses to help in deciding who you choose to vote for.  The Lion has yet to endorse any candidate at this time and the views below do not necessarily represent the views of our team. For more information, email submissions@columbialion.com.

The entire process behind student government is farcically corrupt. They make excuses but it’s true.

The elections board is now part and parcel a part of the Columbia Political Union. Their irrelevant club has decided that their debates with audiences of twenty people justify them absorbing the body that manages all of our elections. And unfortunately they are completely and utterly incompetent. They barely advertised the process as a whole. I saw registration hours before the deadline. Huge registration errors left half the positions empty. They let someone sign up for multiple positions and other people just ignore mandatory meetings. We don’t need a privately run “election center,” we need an election that functions at the most basic level. They were this bad at their jobs in the fall, and it has only gotten worse, but still they are being allowed to push this on us. That’s accountability at Columbia.

And it is far from just them. The student council has had insiders tie up the entire process. This election is a complete sham, the council members divided up the spoils months ago. There isn’t even a real second ticket running for exec board and two exec positions are just anointed with no-contest, let alone the lack of serious (or any) competition across the board. Friends told me months ago who would run and who would win and evidently they were right on both counts. Members are committed to this remaining their special little club regardless of how much they consistently fail all of us. At least the Class of 2017 President had the sense to not seek another term after giving open seats to his friends and sabotaging everyone else. How can a club with almost no integrity claim the legitimacy to fight for us, assuming they even want to?

I don’t like a lot of the more cavalier activists any more than anyone else, but at least they yell, shout, and scream when people face real problems rather than just sit in a circle and spit crap for an hour every week. Maybe if there was single leader on this campus they wouldn’t have to turn all the way to changing the Core to fight discrimination, assault, and food insecurity.

And know that nothing will never change if there if there isn’t a student press that can do its damn job. All we have is Spec and it doesn’t just suck, #Specislegitimatelyaterribleorganization. How many worthless freshman op-eds about discourse does it take to fix our campus? Apparently they’ll just pumping them out until they find out. It’s not like they actually pay their work study reporters to find real news or police the student government and elections. And their days are numbered because no one here has the guts to force the administration to protect press freedom.

This really is just a cycle of incompetence because of which we all are going to suffer. This may seem harsh but our campus and its students aren’t a joke and we can’t be played like this.

Don’t let all of them get away with it, rain on their stupid parade. Don’t just check “none of the above,” check “f#ck this process and everyone involved in it.” I do not want this job and believe me, I won’t take it.

UPDATE (3/29/16): This candidate has withdrawn their candidacy for the University Senate.

Valentine’s Day, much like your “birthday” and various non life-threatening diseases, was created by Hallmark to sell cards to those who’d rather let a glorified piece of construction paper do their talking for them. It’s just another capitalist enterprise, fostering perfect competition between Hallmark, Papyrus, and American Greetings. Aside from the fact that Valentine’s Day is a corporate Ponzi scheme, there is a fair chance that if you’re seeing someone, he/she is afraid of commitment and the sincerity of Valentine’s Day. This means they would probably therefore rather fake a serious injury involving some combination of the Butler Stacks, a JJ’s burger, and a GS student’s walker, before going on that romantic date you have planned.

We all know the legend of Cupid’s magic arrows that make people fall in love instead of, you know, killing them. But, while we credit a violent Roman myth for love, we fail to recognize the true role that amorous dialogue (Jack Daniels), shared interests (José Cuervo), and that “fateful” meeting at 1020 played.

Whose brilliant idea was it to celebrate holidays based on Greek or Roman myths anyway? For one thing, most of them involved some kind of bestiality, which your pets would definitely not appreciate. Apart from those select LitHum drinking games, I don’t see anyone celebrating Odysseus in the Trojan War (though the Trojan™ war does seem to be a more appropriate inspiration for this sort of holiday), or Perseus beheading a Gorgon – even though Gorgons were famous for making men hard as rock. After all, there are so many other LitHum characters worth celebrating, so why settle on the violent “streaker man-child,” who, when he isn’t stark naked, is often portrayed in a diaper (and we all know nothing inspires love like shitting yourself. Ew.)

 So why do we insist on celebrating love with a violent and sadistic infant? Are we demeaning our own ability to love, implying that we’re as inexperienced as, well, a baby? Because we’re not. We swear.

As far as I’m concerned, Zeus is ten times the myth Cupid is for celebrating love. He’s all over Greek family trees, and in order to sleep with that many women, he must have had a mysterious x-factor, (or maybe just a REALLY large… thunderbolt). To celebrate Greek love without celebrating Zeus is perhaps more pathetic than an illegitimate child of the JJ’s Place salad bar and the Columbia Lion’s football season.

Overall, Valentine’s Day is a lie – complete with sappy love ballads and drunk dials. February 14th is technically “the feast day of Saint Valentine,” marking the day in the year 269 when Valentine was publically beaten with clubs and beheaded for trying to convert Emperor Claudius to Christianity. It is the anniversary of the bloody Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre in Chicago which left 7 dead. And finally, it is the day that the State of Oregon entered the Union.

None of these occasions necessitate hearts and flowers. So stop trying, and just drink alone in your room like everyone else.

The Lion is the only publication with an open submissions policy. To respond to this piece or submit one of your own, email submissions@columbialion.com.

Courtesy the Columbia News Archives

To start, they are not “office hours.”  Now, I know that at Columbia some words come to have counterintuitive meanings.  We can’t take the word midterm too literally when we can get three in a semester in some classes and only one in others. But office hours is a term that I’ve been taught to trust. Whenever I get a syllabus at the start of a class, I feel confident plotting the two hours or so a week on my calendar as a repeating event. Continue Reading..

Nobody likes dealing with administrators. Their normal courses of action are either to give you information you already know, send you to someone else, or hand you a form. None of these are pleasant and I agree – it’s frustrating!

But here’s maybe the angle you didn’t consider: administrators are people, too. And they probably don’t have a particular passion for administrating.

I would argue that the majority of people do not get really excited about paperwork. Which means that, while they may not hate their jobs, they’re probably not overwhelmingly thrilled with it, either.

The fun parts of working an office job – like being with friends and having unlimited access to the Internet – are not really part of the whole paper-shuffling routine.

Much like you put off signing up for senior portraits in favor of hanging out and/or Facebook/Netflix/The Lion, administrators probably aren’t burning the midnight oil over your club’s request for more funding. (Let’s be honest, it’s probably just going toward more Insomnia Cookies.)

So, by not working at 100% efficiency, they’re pushing work off until tomorrow. What does this sound a lot like?

Procrastination.

So maybe the secret isn’t really that administrators are horribly slow at everything they do – it’s just that they’re dealing with the stuff they didn’t do a week ago before getting around to your request. Maybe procrastinators are actually reasonably efficient people – it’s just that they’re also professional procrastinators.

And that’s something we can all empathize with.

 

This post was submitted anonymously by a member of the Columbia community and is not the official opinion of The Lion team. To respond to this piece or submit one of your own, email submissions@columbialion.com

The candidacy of Donald Trump for the Presidency of the United States has been the center of the political universe ever since he announced in June. Millions have watched as Trump has meteorically risen to the top of nearly every poll, with thousands and thousands of supporters drawn to each of his rallies at various points across the country. Many are surprised to see that Trump is doing so well, and have attempted to write off his success to his celebrity, “fear mongering” or pandering. While there may be some truth to these theories, they ignore a key concept, which is all too often overlooked by cable news and political pundits. They miss the historical context of Trump’s rise.

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